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Understanding Contempt 理解什么是轻蔑 Contempt is the worst of the four horsemen. It is the most destructive negative behavior in relationships. 在四骑士中，**轻蔑（Contempt）**是最严重的一种，也是对关系破坏性最大的一种互动模式。 In Dr. John Gottman’s four decades of research, he has found contempt to be the number one predictor of divorce. 在 John Gottman 四十多年的研究中，他发现 轻蔑是预测离婚最强的指标 。 According to Malcolm Gladwell in his bestselling book Blink : 畅销书《Blink》的作者 Malcolm Gladwell 曾引用 Gottman 的研究说： “If Gottman observes one o

Understanding Criticism 理解什么是批评 The first of the Four Horsemen, and likely the most common, is criticism. 四骑士中的第一个，也是最常见的一种，就是 批评（Criticism） 。 It is natural for human beings to try to find explanations for their negative feelings. Over time, people can develop a mental habit of searching for reasons why they feel upset or dissatisfied. In doing so, they may begin scanning their environment for other people’s mistakes or shortcomings to account for their frustration....

“We don’t have any major issues… so why does the relationship still feel different?” Many couples come to us saying this exact sentence.There’s no betrayal. No major conflict. No obvious “red flag.”Life is functioning — work, family, responsibilities are being managed. Yet emotionally, something feels quieter, heavier, or more distant. This experience is far more common than people realise. Relationships don’t only change because of big events.They also shift slowly through:

We’ve all been there—your spouse makes a small mistake or an inconsiderate comment, and you just can’t stop thinking about it. Even when you logically know it’s minor, the emotions linger. Why is it so hard to let go? Often, it’s connected to something deeper. 我们都有类似经历——伴侣做了一个小错误或说了一句不合适的话，你却始终无法释怀。即使理智上知道这不是什么大事，情绪仍然挥之不去。这是为什么？通常，这与更深层次的情感有关。 Here are four things to consider:以下是四个值得思考的问题： What am I actually feeling? At first, you may feel annoyed or angry. But underneath, is